RaBB verse: Health Concerns
by authoressnebula
Summary: No spoilers for show or series, really. John takes the boys grocery shopping. Bantering ensues over snacks. Dean's 16, Sam's 12. John's far too old for this sort of thing. Can be read as stand alone.


_A/N: Plot? What plot? If you seek plot, and not schmoop and humor, please step away now. If you insist on plot, I suppose I can stretch really far and say that this explains why Dean lets Sam indulge in his health food kink. And why John is obviously the greatest, most patient father around._

* * *

"Ew."

"What? It's good stuff."

"Dean, when you can't pronounce the ingredient list, it's bad. Like really bad."

"I bet you could pronounce everything on there."

"Yeah, but the brain that lets me pronounce it all also tells me not to _eat_ it."

"Boys," John threw back as a warning. Dean and Sam both subsided with minute apologies, and John mentally counted back from ten. His boys couldn't keep quiet unless their lives depended on it, and even then, John had to constantly remind them to-

"It's fattening."

"What are you, a girl?"

-keep quiet. "And it's not healthy. You're gonna get a beer gut."

"You only get a beer gut from _beer_, bitch."

"Jerk."

John paused the cart in the aisle to turn back to his trailing teens. Well, one teen, one almost teen. It was hard to think of Sam as twelve, considering how tall he'd gotten. Dean still grumbled about it, saying Sam was almost eye-level with Dean and still growing, but personally, it made John extremely happy to see Sam shooting up in height. It made it easier to spot the kid.

Both boys quieted again when John stopped. "What exactly is it that's calling out the Food Patrol in Sam?" he asked, causing Dean to snicker. Sam just rolled his eyes and pointed to the bag of chips in Dean's hands.

"They're gross, Dad. Like really gross."

"They have cheese in them," Dean countered, waving the bag in front of Sam's face. "Cheese is healthy."

"Cheese _flavored_, Dean. They probably waved the cheese right over the chips and moved on."

It was Dean's turn to roll his eyes, and personally, John was sorely tempted to follow their example and roll _his_ eyes at them both. He had to agree with Sam, though: the chips looked extremely unappetizing. It wouldn't surprise John in the slightest if Dean was buying them just to aggravate Sam.

"They're only a little over a dollar," Dean said triumphantly, sticking them in the cart. "Tasty AND cheap. Can't get any better than that."

"I'm not eating those," Sam announced, eyeing the bag as if it were going to leap out and bite him. "Get something else, Dean, that we can both share."

"Sorry squirt; not in the mood."

"I'm not a squirt anymore, Dean."

"Still a pain in the ass."

"_Boys_," John said again with a sigh in his voice. "All right, I'll make a deal with you both: Dean can have his chips," and Dean threw a jaw-dropped Sam a triumphant grin, "and Sam can pick out any snack he wants."

_Both_ boys turned to John in surprise. "Are you serious?" Sam asked, eyes wide in anticipation. Most of the time, the boys got a bag and shared; it cut down on costs, and John knew they'd both finish it by the time a car trip was done. Or, in their current case, finished by the end of the week of their rented apartment.

"Just remember to keep the cost low," John reminded him, and Sam nodded fast enough to make his head fall off. When he continued to stand there, practically _bouncing_ on the balls of his feet, John raised his eyebrow. "Well?"

Sam didn't need to be told twice. He hurried back to the snack aisle they'd passed, darting in to peruse the aisles. That left a pursed-lipped Dean, whom John smirked at. "Sure you don't want something different?"

Dean glared at him, and John chuckled. "I'm sure they're tasty," Dean muttered.

"If you close your eyes and hold your nose," John threw back at him. "I know why you picked them up, Dean. I may be your old man, but I'm not stupid."

Dean slowly gave a sheepish grin, and John shook his head. "Go," he sighed, and Dean snagged the bag of chips back out of the cart and headed after Sam. After a moment of blissful silence, John turned the cart around and headed back after the boys.

Dean had another bag of chips in his hand already, while Sam was still standing in the middle of the aisle, eyes locked on one of the shelves. His oldest glanced over as John moved down into the aisle, and quickly placed the bag of chips in the cart. John snorted but said nothing. Like Sam wasn't going to notice.

"You find anything?" John asked, causing Sam to turn. Sam gave a careless shrug, but John knew his youngest. He'd found something, and it didn't fit with criteria.

Dean leaned over and followed Sam's gaze. "Sun dried...okay, so buy a regular bag of chips and lay 'em out in the sun."

Sam gave his brother a look. "If I do that, somebody'll come along and eat them. More than likely you." Dean grinned unrepentantly. "Besides, there's a ton of cool spices and stuff."

John brought the cart over and looked. He couldn't honestly see why these were anymore appetizing than Dean's original choice, but at least these looked vaguely healthy, and he knew for a fact that his son did want these. His eyes fell to the price, and knew immediately why Sam hadn't snatched them up. Twice the original price of chips, which was the typical norm for things like this.

A hand reached back into the cart, and John moved his attention from the shelf to Dean. Dean, who had his gaze and seeming attention on annoying Sam, but all the while looked for his own bag of chips. John knew without a doubt that Dean would put his own chips back so Sam could get his, and nudged the cart back and away from Dean. When his hand hit the back of the moving cart, Dean yelped in surprise and scowled at John.

John gave him a knowing look and turned to Sam. "Get 'em, and let's go."

Sam jerked in surprise. "Dad, they're-"

"One time offer," John said, pushing the cart forward again. Sam bit his lip and hesitated, but only for a minute. The snack of choice was placed in the cart, and Sam smiled. Kid was too moody these days, way too close to being a moodier teenager, and for a second, John saw his son at five again, carefree and happy.

"Thanks," Sam said, and John nodded.

"Now if we could get the _rest_ of our groceries..."

"Yeah, like real food, Dean."

"Those chips _are _real food. What _you _got? Ew."

"It's _good stuff, _Dean."

"_Boys_."

"Sorry," they said in tandem, then continued on a moment later. John simply followed behind with an amused and fond smile.

The smile slid into a grin when Sam caught sight of the chips Dean was really getting and started cracking up.

END


End file.
